And she is back!
After ages.
With all my life,
I send her away,
Begging not to come again.
Yet, somehow she comes back.
And with more intensity.
This time also,
She is back with much power.
This time,
In the darkness of night,
she has come back.
She comes for me,
She asks for my body,
She asks for my soul,
She asks for my life,
She asks for everything,
Everything I have in me!
She lingers through the night,
She sits with me until the morning,
Some days, she sits with me through the day,
And some days, she follows to the next night,
And the next.
She makes me feel she is here to stay!
She whispers me…
Ways to give in,
Towards eternal peace,
Towards eternal calmness.
And once I reach there,
She will disappear.
She promises!
She tells me every pain will disappear.
She promises me freedom,
The freedom I yearn for.
The freedom from this suffering!
I now wonder what if?
What if she is right?
What if she will free me?
Free from all suffering?
Free from this body?
Free from life.
I now wonder,
What is she?
Where is she from?
How does she know my pain?
If she feels my painful suffering?
Is she the one giving me pain?
Where does she go when I send her away?
How does she know when I am in pain?
Or is she me trying to be free?
Or do I invoke her so I can be free?
As she sits with me,
I sit with her.
I listen to her,
I hear her ways.
Her ways to make me free.
Ways for me to leave.
Leave this body.
Leave this life.
I restlessly listen to her voice in silence,
Asking me to embrace death.
This voice is my only solace,
In such unbearable pain.
She is my only friend on such days.
So I sit with her.
Asking her to stop.
Asking her to leave.
Knowing she would come back,
For she is mine, my voice!
Asking me to leave this body,
Asking me to leave this life,
Asking me to leave everything.
And one day I will give in and leave.
